Bài Writing tham khảo tháng 6: Essay 7.0

Mời các bạn tham khảo bài essay đạt điểm 7.0 cùng với nhận xét của giám khảo bên dưới.

Chủ đề:

It is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social background mix with each other at school.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?

 

I most agree with this statement, and I am convinced that if more people would share this agreement, many of today’s problems could be avoided and, “under the risk of sounding candid, the world would be a better place”

If one is aware of the general Western civilizational tendency towards living within closed groups, almost from “birth to death”, one may find that addressing the subject at the earliest moment possible is a reasonable possibility of starting to fight that tendency. Children are naturally kept, in the first few years of their lives, in a very limited, controlled environment, and then gradually start opening up to the world around them. So it is very important that, when they start doing so, they also begin to understand what surrounds them – people, races, social backgrounds, family structures, religious beliefs, etc – as part of the real world where they will live and be called change, improve or condition.

The alternative to this will be, as it is already today, that children will live more and more isolated from reality in all its varied and sometimes cruel, features. I believe these children, not having had a chance to directly communicate and interact with other kinds of children, will fear and even reject such differences. Ignorance and misunderstanding is one important source of conflicts, and social conflict in the first instance.

I think I can say I was fortunate enough to have attended an elementary school which was characterized, among other things, for just such a feature: even though it was a private school, where parents who could afford it had to pay a substantial fee, it had a policy of taking in children with all kinds of differences. I got accustomed to having colleagues and friends of lower social backgrounds, who where state- financed to attend the school; with different learning abilities; and of ethnic backgrounds.

I am very certain that this part of my education helped me better understanding and accepting the world around me; still nowadays I have all kinds of friends and like to know things about all kinds of people, and I know not everyone around me does the same.

 

 Examiner comments:

Although the topic could be more precisely introduced, this response opens with a clear statement of the writer’s opinion, and goes on to develop its position clearly and logically, right through to the end. The conclusion would possibly be stronger if it referred back to the actual topic rather than being wholly personal. Paragraphs are used to good effect and the writing flows well, helped by skillful use of referencing pronouns to link sentences. There is quite a wide range of vocabulary used, with a natural feel for style and collocation, although there are also occasional errors in both word choice and spelling. The grammar consists of a wide range of sentence types used flexibly and accurately; though occasional mistakes occur in verb form and word order, these do not impede communication, and the majority of sentences are errors free.

Nguồn: Official IELTS Practice Materials 2

 

Chương trình luyện thi IELTS tại SET, tham khảo tại đây

Đăng ký thi xếp lớp MIỄN PHÍ vào lúc 8h30 sáng thứ 2, 4, 7 hàng tuần

 

Thông tin liên hệ:

Quận 1

115 Đặng Dung, p Tân Định, Q 1, TP HCM

 08 – 3848 4433 Ext 16, 31 hoặc Ms. Thu Hà 0937.20.6833

Quận 5

134 Châu Văn Liêm, Phường 11, Quận 5, Tp. Hồ Chí Minh, Việt Nam

ĐT: 08 - 3859 0473 Ext 16, 26 hoặc hotline 0918.118.119