Bài Writing tham khảo tháng 8: Essay 8.0

Mời các bạn tham khảo bài Essay 8.0 với phần nhận xét của giám khảo bên dưới

Topic:

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

 

I do agree to the statement that children brought up in poor families are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

Children of poor parents are prematurely exposed to the problems of adult life eg. learning to survive on a low family income and sacrificing luxuries for essential items. These children begin to see the ‘realities of life in their home or social environment. Their parents own struggles serve as an example to them.

These children are taught necessary skills for survival as an adult from a very early age. Many children eg work in the weekends or holidays to either collect some pocket money or even contribute to their family’s income. A good example is the many children who accompany their parents to sell produce at the market. They are making a direct contribution to their families in term of labor or income.

Children of poor families also are highly motivated. They tend to set high goals to improve their economic and social situation. A relevant example would be Mr. Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft Corporation). He had an impoverished background but he used his talent and motivation to set up the world’s largest computer organization.

However, there are some problems that children from poor backgrounds do encounter. Many of these children who are ‘robbed’ of their childhood eg while working may feel cheated. They often turn to crime. This however, is a small group.

In summing up, children with impoverished backgrounds are able to deal with problems of adult life because of early exposure, family role models and sheer motivation.

 

Examiner comments on writing

Band 8

The topic is very well addressed and the position is clear throughout. Main ideas are presented and well supported, apart from some over - generalization in the penultimate paragraph. The rubric is copied in the opening paragraph, but when this is deducted from the overall word count, the response is not underlength. The ideas and information are very well organized and paragraphing is used appropriately throughout. The answer can be read with ease due to the sophisticated handling of cohesive devices – only the lack of an appropriate introduction and the minor error in the second use of “eg” mars this aspect of the response. The writer uses a wide and very natural range of vocabulary with full flexibility. There are many examples of appropriate modification, collocation and precise vocabulary choice. Syntax is equally varied and sophisticated. There are only occasional errors in an otherwise very accurate answer. Overall this performance is a good example of band 8.

 

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