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Bài Writing tham khảo tháng 10: Essay 7.5+

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Topic:

Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

In the present age, globalization is playing an increasingly important role in our lives. But in the meantime whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked a heated debate. Some people argue that globalization has a fundamentally beneficial influence on our lives, while many others contend that it has a detrimental effect as well.

A convincing argument can be made about globalization not only playing a pivotal role in the development of technology and economy, but also promoting the cultural exchange between different countries. To start with, it is the globalization that impelled many corporate (corporations) to become an international group, thereby making a contribution to the local technology and employment. Specifically, when a multinational group establish (establishes) a factory in a developing country, the new equipment, the new management skills and the job vacancies are all in the best interest of the local society. Moreover, people worldwide can get to know each other better through globalization. It is easy to see that more and more Hollywood blockbusters show cultures different from American, some recent examples are ‘Kungfu Panda’ and ‘The Mummy’.

Admittedly, profit driven globalization has severely affected young people. Today, in the metropolises in different countries, it is very common to see teenagers wearing NIKE T-shirts and Adidas footwear, playing Hip-Hop music on Apple iPods and eating at KFC. The culture that took a thousand years to form just seems similar in these cities; it is looks like you can only distinguish them by their language. Meanwhile, in some developing countries, sweat workshops are always a concerning issue. For instance, reports show that some teenagers employed by NIKE’s contractors work in smelly factories over 14 hours a day, but are only paid fifty cents per hour.

In summary, I would concede that globalization does come with some adverse effects. Despite that fact, benefits created by it far outweigh the disadvantages. Overall, I am convinced that we should further promote globalization and meanwhile the local government should take measures to combat culture assimilation and sweat workshops.

 

Nhận xét của giám khảo

This essay is extremely long (338 words instead of the advised 250-265). It has a sound structure, your position is clearly expressed, the information is well-organized, and structure-wise the sentences are fine. The vocabulary is impressive and there only were a few grammatical errors (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a band 7.5 + essay.

(Cách nhận xét cũng như số điểm đề nghị chỉ phản ánh quan điểm của giáo viên chấm bài này. Thực tế có thể khác tùy tình huống làm bài và chấm bài, không hẳn thể hiện chính xác quan điểm của IELTS)

 

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